What comes next? Random thoughts...

We are preparing for chemotherapy around here. My brother is mad at me because I don't call exactly when he wants. I'm beginning to really struggle with maintaining my own household while caring for Mom. And, I haven't even begun the difficult part of caring for mom yet.

I hate cancer. My heart breaks when I see Mom. She's not that old. She shouldn't look like my great-grandmother. As a child I remember seeing great grandma and thinking that she was so old. I couldn't understand how she was still alive. Now, mom reminds me of that and I just hate it.

I thank God that things have worked out for her treatment. I know that she would not have been able to go through this back home. God really has something going on here, I just don't know what. I'm not scared of losing mom. I know what the future holds and I know that God holds her. That's enough.

I will admit though that I don't know that I have the strength to get through all this. My heart desires a physical presence to lean on through this. I admit that I envy others in relationships where when they are caught up in a sad moment, they turn to their spouse and rest there. I desire that.

(Lord, I turn these desires over to you. Please carry them for me. Thank you. In Jesus name, amen.)

Cancer = Caretaker

Well, it's official. My mother has cancer. And God is calling me to be her care giver while she undergoes treatment. Please pray for me. I must rely totally on God for this ability as it is not something that comes to me naturally.

Every cancer is different. Every treatment is different. While there may be some similiarities in the way the cancer presents and is treated, ultimately each one is unique. When dealing with cancer and cancer treatment, the way it's approached is as unique as the situations.

The adjustment is somewhat of a shock. Yet, I don't think there is anything different I can do. Mom is living with me for awhile. God knows if it's going to be for a long period or no. There's so much that I want to do but I don't want to overdo. I pray that God gives me the strength to do as He desires through all this. He has a reason. I'll listen to hear what He says.

(Lord, I pray that you will wrap your love around my mother and keep her close to your heart. Thank you for this woman that has cared for me, taught me, disciplined me, and listened to me. I pray that you will keep my perspective on you through it all. My heart cries for relief for Mom, yet I seek your will. In Jesus' name, amen.)

It's Thanksgiving!!

I love Thanksgiving. I like the holiday and the time off but I really love thanks giving. I love to thank God for the many wonderful blessings that He has bestowed. I'm thankful for my health. I'm thankful for the children that God has allowed me to parent. I'm thankful for my pets. I'm thankful for Christmas lights. I'm thankful for a vehicle that runs. I'm thankful for a bathtub. I'm thankful for the Internet. I'm thankful for words. I'm thankful for the food that fills my belly. I'm thankful for pickles. I'm thankful for the wind. I'm thankful for laughter. I'm thankful for friends that surround me. I'm thankful for cinnamon. I'm thankful for being able to read. I'm so glad that God is. I'm so glad that He gives. I'm so glad that He lives!

(Dear Lord, I do thank you. Thank you for being my strong tower. Thank you for allowing me to lean on the everlasting arms. Thank you for sheltering me under your wings. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for taking the price of my sin. Thank you for not letting me know just how much that cost. But, mostly, thank you for my salvation. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.)

Thoughts of My Father

I've been thinking about my father a lot in the past few months. Since his passing in September 2006, I've often thought of him and missed him yet there seems to be something different about these thoughts. In some ways, I did not know my father well. I knew him only as my father. He was a very private man. Dad did not waste his words. He preferred spending time in the woods over spending time in the city. He provided for his family. He protected us. It is my shame that I never got to know him as a person. I hunger for that knowledge now. I want others to tell me what they knew about him.

Mostly, I want to know his relationship with Jesus. He never talked about it. I search my memories for how Dad was an example of Christ. I diligently seek to identify those characteristics from Galations 5 in his life.

(Dear Lord, thank you for the earthly father you gave me. Help me to identify Your presence in his life. Help me to make sure Your presence is evident in my life. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.)

Awesome God

Yes, my God is awesome. He is so good, faithful, and consistent. He cares for me. He is orchestrating things for my good even when I don't know it. Yes, He is awesome. My work was overwhelming me. The project could not be accomplished in the time frame given. I sought God's protection and relief through prayer. I prayed, my family prayed, my church sisters prayed. But, God had already been at work on the hearts of those at work. He brought us to a place of understanding so that the project time line was extended. It happened in the time that He wanted. I was in a position of lost power and humility. He is great. He shows His power in these -- uh -- magnificent ways. There is no fan fare to it. It is in the things taken for granted. We, no, I have to stop and see them.

(Lord, thank you for taking care to put everything in place so that I would not be broken. Thank you for being in the little things. Your power is magified there. In Jesus' Name I pray, amen.)

Energy Drain

Ever had that feeling that your life energy is being sucked out of you? That feeling sorta like wind blowing over your skin as you move through it- only it's the stuff that keeps you going that is blowing away?

It's been like that for about 5 weeks now. There is so much going on in my head that I don't know what I've thought or what I should think next. There is much around me that pulls the energy away. I know that our battle is not flesh and blood but spiritual.

Television shows that undermine the authority of parents, shows that glamorize death, shows that promote indecency of all shapes and sizes. Music that plants suggestions in the minds of our youngsters. Enraged drivers without self-control and foul mouths all pull away the energy that sustains me.

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

This is what energizes me. This is what brings me life. Jesus.

(Lord God, thank you for the life that you have provided for me to live. Thank you for the blessings that line each and every moment of my existence. Thank you for the reminder that you provide life and when you provide life it is good life. In Jesus name, amen.)

So much...

I have so much on my prayer list this evening. Each of the blogs I follow has something that I want to bring before our Great God. My day has many items that I know He knows but I want to discuss with Him.

I have so much for which I am thankful. I am reminded that the volume of the books could not hold all that Jesus did during His earthly ministry. My mind can not hold all my thanks or my requests. I have to give them over to God.

(Lord, I'm in an attitude of prayer even now. Hear my voice. Give me the grace to accept the answer to each request as You provide it. Give me the grace to accept Your will in every situation even and most especially when it is not what I'm requesting. Thank You, in Jesus' name, amen.)