We are preparing for chemotherapy around here. My brother is mad at me because I don't call exactly when he wants. I'm beginning to really struggle with maintaining my own household while caring for Mom. And, I haven't even begun the difficult part of caring for mom yet.
I hate cancer. My heart breaks when I see Mom. She's not that old. She shouldn't look like my great-grandmother. As a child I remember seeing great grandma and thinking that she was so old. I couldn't understand how she was still alive. Now, mom reminds me of that and I just hate it.
I thank God that things have worked out for her treatment. I know that she would not have been able to go through this back home. God really has something going on here, I just don't know what. I'm not scared of losing mom. I know what the future holds and I know that God holds her. That's enough.
I will admit though that I don't know that I have the strength to get through all this. My heart desires a physical presence to lean on through this. I admit that I envy others in relationships where when they are caught up in a sad moment, they turn to their spouse and rest there. I desire that.
(Lord, I turn these desires over to you. Please carry them for me. Thank you. In Jesus name, amen.)
Showing posts with label mother. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mother. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Cancer = Caretaker
Well, it's official. My mother has cancer. And God is calling me to be her care giver while she undergoes treatment. Please pray for me. I must rely totally on God for this ability as it is not something that comes to me naturally.
Every cancer is different. Every treatment is different. While there may be some similiarities in the way the cancer presents and is treated, ultimately each one is unique. When dealing with cancer and cancer treatment, the way it's approached is as unique as the situations.
The adjustment is somewhat of a shock. Yet, I don't think there is anything different I can do. Mom is living with me for awhile. God knows if it's going to be for a long period or no. There's so much that I want to do but I don't want to overdo. I pray that God gives me the strength to do as He desires through all this. He has a reason. I'll listen to hear what He says.
(Lord, I pray that you will wrap your love around my mother and keep her close to your heart. Thank you for this woman that has cared for me, taught me, disciplined me, and listened to me. I pray that you will keep my perspective on you through it all. My heart cries for relief for Mom, yet I seek your will. In Jesus' name, amen.)
Every cancer is different. Every treatment is different. While there may be some similiarities in the way the cancer presents and is treated, ultimately each one is unique. When dealing with cancer and cancer treatment, the way it's approached is as unique as the situations.
The adjustment is somewhat of a shock. Yet, I don't think there is anything different I can do. Mom is living with me for awhile. God knows if it's going to be for a long period or no. There's so much that I want to do but I don't want to overdo. I pray that God gives me the strength to do as He desires through all this. He has a reason. I'll listen to hear what He says.
(Lord, I pray that you will wrap your love around my mother and keep her close to your heart. Thank you for this woman that has cared for me, taught me, disciplined me, and listened to me. I pray that you will keep my perspective on you through it all. My heart cries for relief for Mom, yet I seek your will. In Jesus' name, amen.)
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Absence Explained
Yes, I've been away from the blog for a couple of weeks. There have been some changes at work that required extra thought processing and that increased my stress level exponentially.
And, I was preparing for a Mother/Daughter retreat at my mother's church. Mom lives 240 miles from me. It's interesting trying to make sure I understood everything that was going on for the retreat. (I didn't.)
I'm aware that there really is no normalcy about my life. Yet, I am making time to get back to this. I distracted myself so that I might be able to enrich my relationship with both my mother and my daughter in accordance with God's desires for us. I know it was the right thing to do because Satan tried to interfere using my work. He was not successful. God did enrich my relationship with Him, Mom and Daughter.
(Dear Lord, thank you for the travel time and the retreat time with my female family members. Thank you for the ones willing to care for my male family member in my absence. I pray that I will be able to take the things that You spoke to me from the retreat and use it for Your glory alone. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.)
And, I was preparing for a Mother/Daughter retreat at my mother's church. Mom lives 240 miles from me. It's interesting trying to make sure I understood everything that was going on for the retreat. (I didn't.)
I'm aware that there really is no normalcy about my life. Yet, I am making time to get back to this. I distracted myself so that I might be able to enrich my relationship with both my mother and my daughter in accordance with God's desires for us. I know it was the right thing to do because Satan tried to interfere using my work. He was not successful. God did enrich my relationship with Him, Mom and Daughter.
(Dear Lord, thank you for the travel time and the retreat time with my female family members. Thank you for the ones willing to care for my male family member in my absence. I pray that I will be able to take the things that You spoke to me from the retreat and use it for Your glory alone. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.)
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Pack Rat Traits
On occasion, I loose sight of the penguin traits that I'd like to emulate and take on the incredible traits of a pack rat. Okay, often I do. I have many many boxes of children's school papers that I have kept. And, I've been culling the ones that have come home since 6th grade. So, I have all these boxes of papers in the attic that I should go through.
I also have just about every scrap paper on which I've written a reference to a verse. Now, some of them have other statements besides the verse address. But, many do not. Some of them are references from a sermon or lesson. I have no idea what that verse meant to me at the time I wrote it down. AUGH! It was a shiny button or trinket that caught my eye at the time. I carried it off to my nest and put it with the rest of the glittering objects.
I don't know if pack rats go back through their treasure but God calls me to do such a thing. He repeatedly tells me to remember His mighty works, to remember who He is, to remember what He has done for me. Today, I remember that He wrote my name in the book of life. He has removed my sin and remembers it no more. He has transformed my deceitful heart and given me a heart of life. God is awesome.
(Lord, thank you for saving my soul. Thank you for remembering my sin no more. Thank you for the only way to know you. Thank you for the wonderful treasure You give me through Your word. Thank you for the grace and mercy that You personally extended to me. Thank you also for the judgement. Thank you for the rules that keep me safe. Forgive me when I so bluntly ignore them. Help me to accept the necessary chastisement. Thank you. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.)
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Feathered Refuge - Author Unknown
(This is a devotional given to me by a friend many years ago. I wish I knew who wrote it so that I could credit them properly.)
He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler. Psalm 91:4
Living in the extreme ends of the earth, emperor penguins are the only warm-blooded creatures to live in the coldest reaches of the Antarctic in July, the worst part of their perpetual winter. The climate is most inhospitable. They live in close huddles numbering into the thousands. To retain enough warmth for survival, they shuffle continually, taking each their turn on both the inside and the outside of the circle.
When the mother penguin has laid her egg, she will leave. She goes to feed in the cold sea water, waddling long distances over the ice to do so.
Meanwhile, the father balances the egg on top of his shuffling webbed feet. There it rests, swaddled under an "apron" of fine feathers. No matter how bitter the cold around him, the temperature there holds at precisely 98.6 degrees F. After sixty-five days the baby chick hatches. Should it accidentally fall from its low perch and out of the warmth, it would last only two minutes in the intense cold. It remains in its warm covert until the climate takes a turn, and the temperature inches up to a more moderate level.
After awhile the mothers return well fed, now able to feed each one their own fledgling with regurgitated fish. Next it is the fathers' turn to go and feast.
When a little older the youngsters gather in large groups in a bird-kind of daycare. It is warmer by now, the water closer. When the mothers return from fishing, they look for their babies. Among all the thousands of chicks, they find each their own by the sounds they make.
I thought about God's plan for us when I read of the penguins. We, too, live in an inhospitable cold world. Here our young are born, and here is where we raise them. As innocent children, their souls are safely in the Father's keeping, sheltered under the feathers of His grace.
But parents need to forage for food. No matter how cold the sea, we must feed on the Word so we have the right diet for our children. Unless we nurture the spirit within us, we have nothing to give them. We need to make God's word digestible for them. Breaking the truths we have been shown into small enough pieces, they can assimilate them better.
Penguins are equipped to live in cold climates. The Creator has seen to that. But one penguin alone could not survive the winter. They need a huddle, just like we need the church. However, no matter how large the grouping, if the penguins would not keep moving, they could hardly survive. Should believers become inert and frozen, having left the warm wings of God, they cause the death of many others.
Today I want to keep close under His wings. Hiding there, His life within me, I want to feast on His word. If I don't, I will have nothing to feed "my young."
(Father God, thank you for reminding me of the care You put into all of your creation. Thank you for sheltering me, feeding me, and warming me through the harsh winters of my life. I pray that I might not forget the things You have shown me and that I would show them to my own. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.)
He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler. Psalm 91:4
Living in the extreme ends of the earth, emperor penguins are the only warm-blooded creatures to live in the coldest reaches of the Antarctic in July, the worst part of their perpetual winter. The climate is most inhospitable. They live in close huddles numbering into the thousands. To retain enough warmth for survival, they shuffle continually, taking each their turn on both the inside and the outside of the circle.
When the mother penguin has laid her egg, she will leave. She goes to feed in the cold sea water, waddling long distances over the ice to do so.
Meanwhile, the father balances the egg on top of his shuffling webbed feet. There it rests, swaddled under an "apron" of fine feathers. No matter how bitter the cold around him, the temperature there holds at precisely 98.6 degrees F. After sixty-five days the baby chick hatches. Should it accidentally fall from its low perch and out of the warmth, it would last only two minutes in the intense cold. It remains in its warm covert until the climate takes a turn, and the temperature inches up to a more moderate level.
After awhile the mothers return well fed, now able to feed each one their own fledgling with regurgitated fish. Next it is the fathers' turn to go and feast.
When a little older the youngsters gather in large groups in a bird-kind of daycare. It is warmer by now, the water closer. When the mothers return from fishing, they look for their babies. Among all the thousands of chicks, they find each their own by the sounds they make.
I thought about God's plan for us when I read of the penguins. We, too, live in an inhospitable cold world. Here our young are born, and here is where we raise them. As innocent children, their souls are safely in the Father's keeping, sheltered under the feathers of His grace.
But parents need to forage for food. No matter how cold the sea, we must feed on the Word so we have the right diet for our children. Unless we nurture the spirit within us, we have nothing to give them. We need to make God's word digestible for them. Breaking the truths we have been shown into small enough pieces, they can assimilate them better.
Penguins are equipped to live in cold climates. The Creator has seen to that. But one penguin alone could not survive the winter. They need a huddle, just like we need the church. However, no matter how large the grouping, if the penguins would not keep moving, they could hardly survive. Should believers become inert and frozen, having left the warm wings of God, they cause the death of many others.
Today I want to keep close under His wings. Hiding there, His life within me, I want to feast on His word. If I don't, I will have nothing to feed "my young."
(Father God, thank you for reminding me of the care You put into all of your creation. Thank you for sheltering me, feeding me, and warming me through the harsh winters of my life. I pray that I might not forget the things You have shown me and that I would show them to my own. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.)
Monday, February 18, 2008
Mom and Blogging
My mom came to spend a week with us. It was wonderful having her here. It was a most special time because we did not "do" anything extra ordinary. We went shopping, had meals, talked, laughed, and spent quiet time together. It really doesn't get any better than that.
(Lord, please keep my mother safe. Draw her near to you and bless her. Thank you for placing me in her care so many years ago. Thank you for the wisdom that she shares with me. Thank you for the extended family she has found since Daddy passed away. You are truly awesome. In the name of Jesus, I pray. )
(Lord, please keep my mother safe. Draw her near to you and bless her. Thank you for placing me in her care so many years ago. Thank you for the wisdom that she shares with me. Thank you for the extended family she has found since Daddy passed away. You are truly awesome. In the name of Jesus, I pray. )
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)