We are preparing for chemotherapy around here. My brother is mad at me because I don't call exactly when he wants. I'm beginning to really struggle with maintaining my own household while caring for Mom. And, I haven't even begun the difficult part of caring for mom yet.
I hate cancer. My heart breaks when I see Mom. She's not that old. She shouldn't look like my great-grandmother. As a child I remember seeing great grandma and thinking that she was so old. I couldn't understand how she was still alive. Now, mom reminds me of that and I just hate it.
I thank God that things have worked out for her treatment. I know that she would not have been able to go through this back home. God really has something going on here, I just don't know what. I'm not scared of losing mom. I know what the future holds and I know that God holds her. That's enough.
I will admit though that I don't know that I have the strength to get through all this. My heart desires a physical presence to lean on through this. I admit that I envy others in relationships where when they are caught up in a sad moment, they turn to their spouse and rest there. I desire that.
(Lord, I turn these desires over to you. Please carry them for me. Thank you. In Jesus name, amen.)
2 comments:
He will carry you. And you won't ever regret your decision to be there for your mom at this time.
I am so praying for you as you go through this with your mom. Praying that she comes through this strong and your faith in knowing God is really doing something through this touch me. I also want to tell you how much I appreciate you visiting Annabel's blog and taking the time to comment.
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