Alcohol and Spirit

And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit; Ephesians 5:18

Many, many moons ago, I regularly partook in intoxicating beverages. When I drank I was making a specific choice to do activities outside my "normal" characteristics. I chose to make decisions I could then blame on the alcohol. Was I an alcoholic? Did I suffer from alcoholism? Well, in order to answer those questions I had to determine how alcoholism is defined. Here's what I found at dictionary.reference.com...

• habitual intoxication; prolonged and excessive intake of alcoholic drinks leading to a breakdown in health and an addiction to alcohol such that abrupt deprivation leads to severe withdrawal symptoms
• an intense persistent desire to drink alcoholic beverages to excess
• a chronic disorder characterized by dependence on alcohol, repeated excessive use of alcoholic beverages, the development of withdrawal symptoms on reducing or ceasing intake, morbidity that may include cirrhosis of the liver, and decreased ability to function socially and vocationally.

Did I need a drink when I got up? No. Did I need a drink just to make it through the day? No. Did I need a drink every day? No. Did I suffer withdrawal symptoms after stopping the intake? Mildly and only occasionally. When I examine my use in black and white it is crystal clear. I used alcohol to act like a fool, a choice I consciously made.

Augh, forgive me! I have no words to effectively express the cry of my heart at this depth of realization here.

Today, this confession carries great grief and intense sorrow. I am a wretched sinner saved only by the grace and mercy of the eternal I AM. God is so amazing. (I can't say that enough.) He loved me even when I chose to act like a fool. Christ paid for that foolishness so that it would not be beaten out of me. It was an exacting price far beyond my ability to pay. Yet, He has forgiven me. Totally. Completely.

My grief and sorrow over the choice help keep me from returning to it. However, the Spirit is the antidote. As long as I keep the Spirit fed with fervent prayer and consistent scripture intake so that my relationship with Jesus flourishes, the effects of the poison are countered.

Lord God Almighty, Gracious, Merciful, thank you for the forgiveness that You offer and for the faith to accept it. In my finite mind, I can only minimally grasp the magnitude of Your love and it overwhelms me. Hallelujah! In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.